When I get these phone calls, it is never easy. Never one way to approach, never the same story. This family let me into their very private evening. We talked, cried, and even laughed. You have to! Please read their story and keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. They are hurting…
Chris and I found out we were pregnant on June 10, 2016 while on vacation for our birthdays. We had been trying to get pregnant since February. Every month that passed that I had received my period made us sad because we wanted to start our family. The morning of June 10th, I was one day late for my period so I took a pregnancy test around 730. I was scared to look at the results because they have been negative for months prior. It said pregnant, I cried because I was so happy and excited. I went back to the room where Chris was still sleeping and battled with myself if I wanted to wake him up or let him sleep. I decided to let him sleep. My dad came home and woke us up because we had plans. Chris woke up and I told him to close his eyes and I have his birthday present. I took both his hands and put one on my stomach and had him hold the test with the other. He was extremely happy and cried. We had finally started our family together. Later that day we told our family and closest friends. We didn’t want to tell many people because we had already been told we were going to have a high risk pregnancy. We had our first ultrasound on July 14, 2016 where it showed the tiniest and cutest little blob! It became real to us by then because we had seen our baby! Once the pregnancy really took off I had awful morning sickness and weakness. For a good 6-7 weeks I was unable to eat anything and had to do ensure shakes to get something in me. Chris was constantly supportive and helped anyway he could with the morning sickness. It was around 4 1/2 months when I finally was able to start eating again with only a few throw up sessions. When Penelope was around 17 weeks we tried to see what we were having because we’re impatient . We went in for the ultrasound and saw how much the baby has grown. We were both feeling lucky that we would find out….but our sweet little one really liked to play with the umbilical cord so we couldn’t get a good look. Our Midwife said she was leaning towards a girl just because of what she saw. We walked out of that appointment with no clear answer on what our little one was. We still were both feeling a boy (had that feeling since we found out we were expecting). We had our 2nd trimester ultrasound scheduled for October 5, 2016 (3 long weeks we had to wait to see our little one again and hopefully find out what we were having). When our little one was about 18 weeks I felt her move for the first time, that hands down was the best feeling in the world, Chris finally was able to feel her frequently around 21 weeks. The afternoon of October 5th finally came around and we couldn’t have been more excited to see our baby and find out what we were having…..BUT once again hands and feet were blocking everything. We got to look at our baby from top to bottom and inside out. Seeing how much our baby has grown made us so happy and seeing her move around was amazing. The ultrasound tech said she was 80% sure we were having a girl. Chris and I decided that with our Midwife thinking girl and the tech saying 80% girl we had our gender. Chris had left back to work after the ultrasound before the doctor came in and talked about the pictures. Little did we know our entire world was going to come crashing around our little family. The doctor came in and told me he had concerns about our Penelope. What the ultrasound pictures showed was: extra tissue on the back of the neck (normal is 5mm ours was 7.4mm), cleft palate, abnormal heart (it was not chambered correctly and was missing a flap to help blood flow), club feet, missing a cholera plexus (part of the brain crucial for development), and they weren’t seeing a clear separation of hemispheres. Her head was also measuring at 16wks 6days while her body was measuring at 18wks 6days, we were supposed to be measuring at 20 weeks. I immediately called Chris and broke down. We opted out of doing genetic testing earlier on in the pregnancy because we thought of it as interfering with God’s plan. After the results of the ultrasound we went ahead and did a blood test on October 7, 2016 because the doctors thought it was either trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome), or trisomy 13 (Patau Syndrome). They were thinning she had a trisomy abnormality because of the extra tissue, brain abnormalities, and birth defects. Chris and I waited for the results and has many talks about what we were ok with as a family. We decided that having a child with special needs was ok with us, we just wanted to have a child that was going to be able to: run, play, laugh, and be a kid. We did our research on what the 3 possibilities were and decided that we will do anything and everything to care for our baby girl. One long week went by and we received the blood results back (where it confirmed we were having a baby girl) but it did not confirm what was going on with her. The three trisomy disorders they tested for came back negative. However, the blood test showed a deletion on one of the number 13 chromosome. We were crushed that the blood test found something that was wrong with our perfect baby and that the doctors were unsure what that meant exactly. The research that was given to us by the doctors said that all of the signs she was showing matches up with a deletion. I was against getting an amnio done because of the risks but since we still did not know what was going on with our daughter I got an amnio done on October 17, 2016. Prior to my amnio we did another ultrasound and found that there was a little more defined separation of her brain but not near where it should be to be “functional” and that instead of having 4 normal ventricles in her brain…she had 3. I was told that day our daughter would not make it to high school. I went ahead and did the amnio holding out for any possibly hope that everything was wrong. While we waited for the results I had an appointment with a pediatric cardiologist, where he looked at her heart and found the flap that was missing but said it was very faint and weak. He also informed me that she had an abnormally large hole in her heart. Our doctors told us that while we wait for the results we need to talk about every possibly outcome and what we are doing to do. One of those hard conversations we were told to have was about termination of our pregnancy. This to me was not an option because I still was not comprehending what was going on. Chris and I talked about everything and decided that if our baby girl was not going to be able to have a childhood and life she should have termination was best for her. We still waited for the amnio results. Our doctors told us legally in Idaho we have until 24 weeks to terminate a pregnancy. We got the amnio results back October 26th and 27th. Where it showed all of her chromosome fine except for one of her number 13. They confirmed the deletion on the Q arm (the whole Q arm was practically missing). I asked what this meant and my Midwife said that I more than likely will not make it to term with Penelope and even if I did she would not make it outside of the womb for long, they had diagnosed her with Alobar Holoprosencephaly (one of the most sever brain abnormalities making her not viable). Chris and I had the hardest decision of our lives to make…and we made the decision to terminate our pregnancy because that is what’s best for our daughter. We got referred to another hospital where that doctor confirmed everything and said I would not make it to term with her. The Pediatric family grief counselor suggested we go on a baby bucket list weekend with her. We took her to Boo at the Zoo, because we would have taken her to the zoo all of the time and that’s were we had our first date. We took her out to eat, took her to the Rose Garden and picked her some roses and did a quick maternity shoot. We took her shopping and bought her an elegant white dress, books, a stuffed bunny, blanket, and baby book. On November 1, 2016 I started the prescription to induce labor. I felt the effects of the medication immediately and felt the contractions start, we were terrified of this. It was about 6am on November 2, 2016 when I told Chris it was time to go. I made that decision because my contractions had worsen and I couldn’t stand up straight. We get to the hospital and are immediately surround with love and support. We checked my cervix around 730 and I was 50% soften but no dilation. I got my epidural because I was in extreme pain. It was around 3pm when the doctors decided to break my water because I was only 1cm dilated. Around 5pm the doctor came in and checked me and told me it was time to start pushing. Around 530pm the catheter and everything else was taken out, a nursing team, and a comfort care team was in the room. With Chris by my side I started pushing. A little before 6pm I had delivered the most beautiful little girl in the world, and Chris has cut her chord. There was a chance that she would be alive when she came out (and that’s what we were hoping for)….but sadly she had passed. Chris and I were very very saddened that she had passed before being delivered but an odd sense of happy came over us that we were holding our daughter. She weighed 15.4oz and was 10″ long. As we held our Penelope we cried and cried and kissed her. She was swaddled when she was handed to us we kept her swaddled for a while then Chris and I were ready to fully look her over. We uncovered her where she was even more perfect to us. We saw the extra tissue, you can tell there was fluid around the brain, and her clubbed feet. But she was still the most perfect and beautiful girl in the world. We invited our family in to come meet her and they agreed she was precious! We got her feet and hand prints and got her dressed in the most beautiful white dress we had bought for her. For the next 21 hours we held her, played with her, cuddled her, and gave her lots of kisses and love. We read to her multiple times, rocked her in the bassinet, laid her down with us, took lot of pictures of her. It was 215pm on November 3, 2016 when the nurses came in to get her so she could be escorted to the morgue to have her feet and hand castings done before the crematorium came to get her. Seeing her get wheeled off was not easy at all. It still doesn’t feel real. As first time parents this was by far the worst and hardest thing we have ever had to do.

-Chris and Lyndsi Lyndsi Tacke